Most of this article is based on comments from Lady Allania and Wednesday
from the Drink Deeply & Dream forum. Some input was also received
from the Smoke & Mirrors and Sanguinarius forums.
Basic Foundations of a Good Donor-Vampire Relationship
Be honest about what you need, want or expect. "Mixed signals"
result in a miss. Understand that for some, feeding IS an erotic or intimate
thing, and they may not be able to separate that when feeding from or
donating to someone new.
The vampire is trusting that the donor is (still) disease-free regardless
of how much testing has or hasn't been done and that they'll watch over
the vampire during the feeding process if needed. The donor is trusting
the vampire with a lancet/blade/needle, in a situation where they're likely
to be vulnerable.
Friendships and relationships are not the easiest thing to begin, whether
short-term or long-term, without this.
Tolerance (particularly for the weird)
Let's face it, blood drinking isn't exactly a commonly accepted activity...
A donor is not a "possession", or a lesser being to be manipulated.
A vampire should never make a donor feel OBLIGATED to do this -- the donor
should always have a choice.
How Does It Impact a Preexisting Relationship?
It doesn't inherently change it. However, it does add a new perspective...and
the new perspective can, over a short or long period of time, change the
relationship from what it was. Whether this is good or bad depends on
the individuals involved. Understanding and tolerance of what may or may
not happen is possible, as long as all people involved are willing to
understand, and serious about making the effort. This carries over into
any type of relationship, not just vampire/donor ones.
The donor is sharing part of themselves, some might say something like
a spiritual essence, and depending on the situation, can have different
reactions to it, such as feeling vulnerable if they feel it is inherently
unequal. -- The vampire gains something, while the donor loses something,
or they can feel closer to the vampire that they've donated to by passing
on some part -- spiritual essence perhaps -- of themselves in doing so.
Issues of trust:
The donor is trusting the vampire with a bloodletting instrument, whether
lancet, blade or needle, and most likely in a situation where they are
physically vulnerable, so this trust is particularly important to them.
Likewise, the vampire is trusting that the donor is still disease-free,
despite any passage of time after testing and such -- blood-borne diseases
are still a concern, and not all of them are curable. Also, feeding tends
to leave the vampire very relaxed, sometimes somewhat euphoric, and they're
not always paying attention to their surroundings. If this is being done
in a public place, the donor also needs to be a lookout, since the vampire
may not be as aware of their surroundings as they should be.
Issues of intimacy:
Because feeding can be almost a sexual experience (not in the orgasmic
sense, but deeply satisfying and potentially quite intimate nonetheless),
some vamps may only want to feed from someone they are already sexually
involved with, and likewise, some donors may only want to feed vamps that
they are already sexually involved with. Others may be uncomfortable with,
or not understand, the level of intimacy or the interpersonal bond that
may develop -- but whether such a bond develops depends on the individuals
Issues of sanity or mental stability:
The vampire needs to be feel that the donor won't develop an unhealthy
attachment to them or become too possessive, and vice-versa. There may
be some kind of bond or closeness that develops between the vampire and
donor anyway, but this is dependent upon some factors, such as trust or
mental stability, and other factors that are impossible to easily determine.
The donor particularly needs to be sure the vampire isn't lost in fantasy
land with excessive claims such as physical shapeshifting, flying, etc.
Issues of secrecy:
Both donor AND vampire need to be discreet when talking about or handling
a feeding session (or anything else pertaining to vampires). People still
get fired for no reason other than being a freak, and both parties likely
have mundane things they need to deal with such as work or school. Most
people "Just Don't Understand", no matter how well you can explain
Questions for both vampire and donor
Recognize the possibility that a deeper bond (friendship or otherwise)
may develop as a result of the donor/vampire relationship. It is ALWAYS
a good idea to talk about what each person's expectations are so that
nothing comes as a surprise. Stating the "terms" of the relationship
beforehand does not guarantee that nobody will be emotionally hurt, but
being prepared always helps. Some individuals cannot help but get attached,
and others remain detached. Still others maintain a middle ground. Whatever
the case, always keep the lines of communication open to avoid painful
1) Should the donor be prepared to feed the vampire during the first
2) Any amount of physical contact before/during/after feeding?
3) Any sexual aspects to worry about (intimacy issues)? Any kink/fetish
issues that need to be brought up or dealt with?
4) Married, but with vampire or donor outside the marriage or other
4a) How will the marriage affect the feeding session or other aspects
of the vampire/donor relationship?
4b) How will the vampire/donor relationship impact either party's marriage?
Questions for the donor to ask the vampire
A donor's ability to exercise good judgment and common sense is essential
when considering whether or not to donate. New donors should familiarize
themselves with how to spot a blood drinker (or energy feeder) who could
potentially cause them emotional or physical harm. When thinking about
whether or not to donate, a donor's ability to exercise good judgment
and common sense is essential when considering whether or not to donate.
New donors should familiarize themselves with how to spot a blood drinker
(or energy feeder) who could potentially cause them emotional or physical
1) What are the health risks?
2) What method(s) will be used?
3) Hygiene/cleanliness methods to prevent/minimize disease and health
4) If using a needle, has the user had phlebotomy training?
5) How much pain and/or scarring can be expected? (Pain amounts will
vary with method used)
6) What effects does feeding have on the vampire? (Useful to know if
the vampire will curl up into a contented ball, go to sleep, or something
more drastic or dramatic...)
8) Are there other viable options if feeding isn't an option at any
particular point (ill health on the part of the donor, bad offline life
9) How often does the vampire need to feed?
9a) How often is the donor expected to feed the vampire?
9b) Will the vampire accept "no" if the donor changes his/her
mind, is sick, or if the donor is afraid the vampire will lose control?
10) (If asked by the vampire to be a donor) How/why was the donor picked?
Questions the vampire should ask the donor
There are stereotypes a lot of people have in mind when they think about
vampires, thanks to Hollywood and popular fiction. As a result, vampirism
is often surrounded with fantasy and legends, giving people an unrealistic
idea of what it really means. Sometimes a donor is expecting something
as seen in the latest popular movie (often dealing with fangs and immortality)
when the reality is quite different. In any case, the vampire needs to
determine that the donor is mentally stable.
1) Why do you want to do this? (Especially if they volunteer without
2) What do you expect to experience?
3) Why do you want to experience it?
4) What do you hope to get out of it?
5) Do you already know what will happen during the process? (If not,
take time to explain.)
6) Any vices or bad habits? (Drinking, smoking, drugs, etc... These
can have drug interactions, allergic reactions, or adverse side effects.)
7) Will the donor stay for a little while after the feeding, or leave
8) What sort of diet does the donor have, and are they willing to change
it if requested by the vampire? (Certain foods, particularly junk foods,
make the blood taste awful.)
9) Has s/he donated to other vampires before? (Good to know how much
info they already have.)
Questions the donor should ask other donors
How many potential donors simply decided not to be a donor for a vampire
because they could not find enough information that would give them a
balanced viewpoint? To be a donor requires a mindset open to the idea
of real vampires, without being excessively judgmental about it. Some
donors do it because they care for (or love, in some cases) the individual
and want to help out. Usually the donor has known the vampire for a reasonable
period of time, or sometimes for many years. Some do it for fun, or some
variety of erotic pleasure. Others may be masochists or otherwise might
enjoy (or at least not mind) the pain or potential scarring. (I don't
personally understand that, but I know some people are just wired that
1) How did you start?
2) Why did you do it?
3) Why do you keep doing it?
4) What is the worst experience you've had?
5) What is the best experience you've had?
6) What is the scariest experience you've had?
7) What is the funniest experience you've had?
8) (Provided the donor is not a vampire) Have you experienced a feeling
like you need to feed after being fed upon? (A.K.A. "sympathetic
vampirism") -- If the donor IS a vampire as well, then this question
does not apply.
8a) How were you able to deal with it?
8b) How often did/does it happen?
9) If you've been a donor for a particular vampire for a long time,
how has your relationship with him/her changed over the years?
These questions are just guidelines. When all is said and done, it's
a matter of trust and respect on both sides. Being a donor is not something
to be taken lightly -- the vampire is trusting the donor with their secret
in exchange for a part of them. Likewise, the donor is trusting the vampire
to treat them well in an otherwise vulnerable situation. Know each other's
limits, but don't go beyond them. Respect each other and what you are
considering doing. Respect what is being offered, and it's implications
-- feeding is more than "just" an act, and donating to a vampire
is more than "just" an experience.