Problems Vampires Have, Page 28

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This has problems pertaining to dealing with "everyday" (everynight?) things for real vampires. It can get in a light vein, but I would prefer it to be mainly enlightening (jeez, can I quit with these day puns, already???) as to actual problems that vampires have to deal with on a day-to-day (aaarrrggghhh!!!) basis.

--Sanguinarius

OK, you want a problem? Here's a problem: THE GOD DAMN F*CKING ROLE-PLAYERS!!!!!! I CAN'T STAND THEM!!!!!!!! I told one of my close friends today (very seriously) that I am a psi-sang vampyre. She grinned at me and went, "Oh, that's cool." So I'm thinking, Hey, cool, someone besides (friend who shall remain nameless) understands! And then the newly told friend goes, "I'm a vampyre too." Now I'm thinking: Um...

Then she starts in on this spiel about how she's a vamp, and sounding very fake, using RPG language, and my belief (already very weak) is growing dimmer by the second. Then she goes: "What house are you in?" or some other f*cking stupid question, and I was about to say none of them, and then she said she belonged to some fake RPG house (I think it was Ventrue) and says that oh, she's immortal, and can fly, and that she contacts the dead, some junk about a dead vamp that "lives" inside her, on and on and on.

I screamed at her and yelled at her that this was not a big joke, that I am not a RP'er, that real vampyres actually exist, and that RP'ers drive me f*cking INSANE, and a whole bunch of other stuff, and I finished with this big telling-off about she and the other RP'ers have no idea what they're getting themselves into, and how stupid those games are, and how it is NOT glamorous or romantic or amazing or whatever to be a vampyre, and how she's lucky she didn't get herself into trouble with some real vamps before I told her off, and...

AAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

*screams loudly and attacks nearest pillow and/or punching bag, then goes on an hour-long rant*

Contributed by The Morbid Rose

This happened to me a few years ago when I was about 16. One day, my parents -- both conservative Christians -- decided that I was too sheltered, and decided that I needed to be "exposed to the real world". So, instead of unblocking the History Channel and everything else rated above PG on the television (they have a censoring mechanism installed), they decided to send me off to Central America. Namely, Belize. And not only that, but with a pack of raging Evangelical Christians.

Basically, we were being sent off to build houses in a swamp and take care of unfortunate orphans in an orphanage that smelled like urine. Don't get me wrong -- I like charity, and I like doing charitable things. Just not when I'm in pain. And boy, was I in pain. I was stuck in more heat and sunlight than I had ever been in throughout my entire life. For an entire week, I was sweaty and sunburned, despite the fact that I was slathering on SPF 45 sunblock at least three times a day. I had to deal with constant, painful headaches. Then, halfway through, my immune system started to collapse and I contracted some unknown disease that made my guts feel all crampy and made me feel like vomiting. The chaperones wouldn't stop yelling at me to move when I could barely walk, and well... the whole trip was rather unpleasant. I seriously thought I might die, I was in so much pain.

Now, as far as daily difficulties go, I don't actually have much to deal with. I've managed to avoid any huge rumors, though a few have erupted; and of course there are the standard issues of the thirst and hiding my true nature from almost everyone I know. I worry that my parents might find out again -- they did a few years ago, and they sent me off to the shrink. I managed to deny all charges, though, and things turned out OK. There are a few people I can confide in, and I'm very grateful to have them in my life. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Contributed by Madaleine

The things that are the worst about being a vampire in High School are not having a donor and having to function in the daylight world. First, about the whole "not having a donor" thing... when I began my awakening nearly two years ago, I thought THAT hurt. That's nothing compared to the pain I'm going through right now. Being sang and not having a donor has got to be the worst thing in the world. I can't just touch someone and get my fill... blood has to flow in my case.

Because the only two people in my world that know about what I am refuse to help me... and play "tease the vamp" like there's no tomorrow... I live in constant pain at not having the energy I need. I don't have a donor, and making friends with someone new just for that purpose seems calloused... so I go without, for LOOOOOONG periods of time. And the few times that my buddies give in and bleed for me (namely after I collapse from the sheer lack of energy), we're at school, so its hard to drink my fill anyway, what with all of the security cameras and hall monitors and other students hanging around. It gets so bad that I start to hear the pulses of the people around me (sometimes this heightened sense of hearing can be a bad thing), and I start to vamp out and get very predatorial, which has led to me acting very strangely (i.e. growling at classmates when they speak to me).

The other thing that is awful about being a vampire in High School is having to function in the world of sunlight. Being nocturnal at this point, I'm always awake until the sky starts to brighten... and then I have to get up at 5 AM for school, which gives me about 45 minutes of sleep (but I do get naps in during the afternoon, so there's a silver lining, at least). Then I have to sit in the bright classrooms, take gym class in the bright sun, and pretend that everthing is fine when the school nurse asks me why I'm so pale all the time. And there's also all the run-ins I've had with hall monitors telling me that its against school dress code to wear sunglasses inside the building... which has led to some of the worst headaches I've ever had.

All in all, I can't wait for high school to end, so I can get out of the world of bright lights and UV rays, and maybe get myself out there in the social scene so I can possibly find a donor that doesn't tease me endlessly.

Contributed by Shade

I'm 17 and awakening in high school. I read all the problems with light in school, and I've got the same thing -- and to top it off, my math teacher hands out papers that are brightly colored, like yellow and neon-looking pink -- it kills! And when she doesn't hand out these, she uses an overhead, which I can't even look at. It sucks that I can't just speak up and tell everyone what's wrong, so I can stop suffering. But then they'll just lock me in a padded room -- white walls illuminated by fake light. Ugh!!!!

And nobody knows. My friend brought up vampyres when we were alone one night, and I almost told him, but then he mentioned that he wanted to find one, so he could be turned. I was scared he was just talking, that it would really freak him out if he knew about me. But I was even more scared that he would beg me to turn him!

Contributed by Sam

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