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Wearing Sunglasses in School

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Okay, so the florescent lights are getting to you, the huge friggin' windows (carefully placed on the east and west sides of the building) are kneading your eyeballs into playdough, and you just want to wear some sunglasses. But there's a problem. In that little student handbook (perhaps in the front of your agenda?) it says that only prescription sunglasses are allowed. That's so not fair. Well, for your information, you possibly can wear your sunglasses in school. Usually, if the teacher of the class doesn't mind, you can wear sunglasses in that class. Here are some tips to get your teachers on your side.

1) Before or after class, you should ask permission to wear sunglasses in class. There is an art to this. If your teacher is working at the desk, stand in front of the desk and wait to be acknowledged. Tilt your head downwards so that you're looking at the lower part of the desk, and perhaps the ground in front of you (don't put your chin to your neck, though). Do not look into the teacher's eyes. Do not stand slouched or hunched. Don't try the boob thing (that's plan C). Stay quiet. Don't clear your throat or tap your foot. If it doesn't seem like the teacher knows your there (as opposed to her just coming to a stopping point or something), say her name quietly, cautiously and politely.

2) When she acknowledges you, she might say something pissy or rude. Ignore it. You must go into "innocent, polite, and humble" mode. Say very politely and clearly, "The lighting in the classroom has been bothering my eyes. I was wondering if I could wear sunglasses in your class to help my eyes."

3) If she says yes, say "Thank you very much." and leave. If she's a bitch teacher, she might turn on you and be rude, and yell at you about your glasses. If she says no, don't push it yet. You can try again later. The teacher might just be having a bad day. If the teacher asks you why, just tell her that florescent lights trigger migraines. Yes, it's a lie. But it's not a total lie because it might develop into a migraine trigger. Act innocent, don't be innocent. If she asks for a note, tell her that you gave it to a teacher at a past school you went to (elementary school, a school you got transferred from, whatever). If she says you need to have a doctor's note, don't push it yet! Try again another day and simply say that it would cost you a lot of money to go get a neurologist's appointment (i really do have migraines. I think my appointment was $110. ) just to get a piece of paper.

4) If/when you do get to wear sunglasses in class, don't blow it. You do not need to be glow in the dark. Goggles are also a bad idea. The more the glasses draw attention to you, the more likely some other random anal teacher in the hallway is going to try to take them up. Try www.fossil.com. The pair called "Whitney" (for women -- I haven't looked at the men's) is black, dark, and not an attention-getter.

5) When some kid asks you why you're wearing glasses, either say that the light bothers your eyes or that you get migraines. If you told the teacher you get migraines, everybody's gotta be believing that you get migraines.

6) If one teacher isn't going to budge but another teacher doesn't mind, don't go to the anal teacher saying, "But So-and-So lets me!" That is the characteristic of a teenager. If you want to be treated like an adult, and given the privilege to wear sunglasses in class like an adult, then you're going to have to act like an adult.

7) If you're leaving a class where you can wear your shades and going into a class where you can't, remember to take off your sunglasses!! It's so easy to forget! If you have a good friend in either of the two classes, try to get them to remind you.

8) If, suddenly. a teacher that you got permission from says, "Why on earth are you wearing those glasses in class?! It's against school policy!" Politely remind her that earlier (if you can give a week or a month, it will help) you asked her after/before class if you could wear them during class and she gave you permission.

9) This kinda goes back to number four but it still needs to be said. Don't play with your shades. Don't twirl them around. Don't take them off and chew on them. Don't tap on your lens. Don't let everyone try them on (if they really want to, try in between class). They will get taken away.

10) Do not make up a school petition. Do not protest. Do not use any types of civil (or uncivil) disobedience. It only sometimes works as an adult, it rarely works in college, and it will not work in high school.

If you pound on a teacher's desk ranting and raving about your rights as a student to wear whatever you want and put on your neon green, flaming gay sunglasses that makes it so everyone in the classroom is staring at your shades instead of multiplying, you will never be allowed to wear your glasses. You will probably get ISS (in-school suspension) and maybe OSS (out-of-school suspension). The more you bitch and complain, the worse the punishment is going to get. Be quiet, blend in, and be polite and your teachers will give you a lot of leeway.

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